Let’s look at one of the biggest turnoffs or red flags when we’re dating.
When we say something without meaning to be rude or nasty, if everything is going great but we say something that changes the mood because the other person gets upset with what we said, it makes it scary to open up and speak in the future, with that person and anyone else.
This is one of the biggest problems in dating and in relationships, we are totally unaware that the way we react will train and teach the other person, be it a date or partner, how they are allowed to speak or think or express their emotions. Your reactions create the emotional prison you put your date and partner in.
Many people complain that it’s so hard to find someone who can speak openly, but they ignore the reality that it’s because they have trained that person to not be free to speak openly. They will leave you because it becomes so dangerous and tiring if it’s too easy to flip your mood.
If we could all accept that no one always knows the perfect thing to say all the time, that we’re not in perfect control of our words and thoughts, and to just let things go, or question them calmly without getting emotional, that creates a safe environment allowing everyone to speak openly and freely.
Perhaps the reason that we can’t find someone who is open and speaks their mind freely is not because they won’t do that, but because we make them scared to.
The funniest thing about this concept is that anytime I have gone on a date, and the woman will get upset at something I say, if I try to explain this principle to them, they get even more upset.
It’s the way we interpret what was said which has affected our mood, and when we get angry so easily, a red flag pops up that it’s going to be dangerous or difficult being with this person.
If we have to watch every word we say, which means we can never relax and speak freely and be open about our thoughts and feelings, of course we’re not going to want to be with that person.
The most important thing for a relationship to succeed is good, clear and open communication. Are you creating a situation that encourages or prohibits that?
This goes both ways but I don’t date men so I speak of my experiences which is only with women. I’m sure women have experienced the same thing with men or same-sex relationships. It’s a human condition, regardless of which sex we are.
My book entitled; “Eliminating Anger: Don’t Just Contain It” is about being able to listen, accept, have a conversation, share a life, with anyone where we can reduce our negative and emotional reactions to things people say by at least 90%.
If you really want to have better relationships and have dates where they seem so wonderful, and not ruin it by getting emotional and waving a red flag at being delicate to talk to, please read this little e-book.
This may be a reason that you don’t get a second or third date.
It’s really a very simple concept if you are open minded enough and sincerely want to reduce your negative emotions and reactions to anything anybody says. It will make your life better and your dates or relationships will be far more successful because you won’t scare off the other person from feeling safe to speak openly and free, which is what everybody wants. You can only hold your breath so long before you have to get out and breath.
The first ethic in ethicalism.org is “Accept Full Responsibility For Everything In Your Life.” This includes how people behave and feel with you, even if you do not realize what you are doing to create that situation.
Take responsibility that you’re actually pushing away a potential partner when you’re on a date or, pushing away your partner if you’re in a relationship. You will have a happier life because you won’t be as upset, you won’t have as many negative emotions, you won’t have as many mood swings, you won’t be as emotionally delicate or manipulated, even if you think you’re fine, you may not be.
Wouldn’t it be nice to simply have less negative reactions and emotions and mood swings?
We are always feeling one emotion, if it’s not negative it will be positive. By reducing negative emotions, you will feel far more positive, happy, loving emotions and your life becomes more vibrant without pushing away other people.
You’ll be a person who encourages people to be open and free, to say what they think. You’ll feel better, you’ll be happier, people will be happier with you and you’ll find that you won’t be rejected by dates and then at least you can pursue a relationship which will last a lot longer, hopefully for the rest of a long happy life together.
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