Very often, people say what they want in a partner is to be accepted as they are, which is understandable, but is it really reasonable?
Do you think you are perfect? If you accept that you are not perfect, which is obvious because no one is, why not be willing or even desire to change?
It does not make sense, if you want a loving and devoted relationship, to say that you are not willing to change and adapt to your partner at all, since no two humans can be so perfectly matched that there is nothing to change, is not encouraging.
No one is so perfect that they should not change some things about their personality. Don’t you want your partner to be a wonderful person as perfect as possible? Then why don’t you want to be the same wonderful person for them?
We can always improve or change something, not just for our partner, but for our own personal development. Thus, we should not accept ourselves the way we are, or you stagnate and stagnation is deterioration.
Growing and changing is evolution, it is progress, growth and improvement, it stimulates the mind and heart and gives us a goal to strive for when all material goals are finally seen as futile.
What if technology never changed, we would still be using a dial wired telephone!
The real value and way to make a relationship strong and lasting is that you help each other become a better person. Wanting to be accepted as you are negates one of the core principles of lasting love and respect.
Who would respect someone who thinks they are perfect or does not want to change?
Real love is a result of respect and admiration. That is what a lasting love is built on, the rest is just infatuation and passion that eventually fades. Let the passion drive you to be together, then let your desire to change and grow as a human individual cultivate respect and admiration for how wonderful a person you are.
Be honest with yourself, make yourself worthy of respect, love and admiration by always striving to improve. Look for a partner that wants to grow perpetually, together, like a three legged race. Each person has one leg on their own, and the other tied to their partner, supporting and moving forward in life, together.
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The heading of this article is the opposite of what you are suggesting. Perhaps it would be better named , ‘I WANT TO GROW’ or something similar. Choosing a partner whose focus is on their being accepted for who they are is the first mistake. If one is devoted to personal growth, then recognising that desire in another to be the best person they can be in addition to having those characteristics that you fell in love with initially, is critical to having a successful relationship. If you’re not on the same page in this area, it won’t work.
Thank you Judith, titles are tricky to get the right attention, but you make a good point. Indeed the problem today is that the internet and dating apps make it so easy to find someone, that people have become very picky and demanding because they want what they want and if this person will not give it to them, they think they can go on line and find their perfect match. Unfortunately that does not happen and they find out after years of being alone.