Being able to accept criticism is an excellent way to improve yourself. Normally, we will not notice our shortcomings. We have become so accustomed to some character traits which are not the best of features, that we do not realize what we do. Due to this, it takes someone else to point out our flaws in order for us to know they exist.
Criticism is the best gift for self-improvement, to be the 10 worthy of a 10+.
To make the most out of what appears to be a negative comment, simply never deny or dispute any criticism, just listen and take in every bit of information. Test everything you have been told to find what is relevant and accurate.
It was always confusing to friends when I asked them what they disliked about me, they thought I phrased my question wrong. I want to know my flaws so I can find what to work on. How else can I ever become a better human being?
Self-lying, a lie about yourself that you tell yourself and believe, is a way to dispute and defend criticism, which results in your staying the same and never changing or improving.
When you are criticized, observe your response, do you defend and justify your actions? You may say the other person is a fool, or they do not know, or you have done a wonderful job and the work is good, or any other sort of excuse to avoid accepting responsibility that you have a flaw that needs to change.
Consider how we lie to ourselves constantly to justify false beliefs in order to avoid dealing with the pain of accepting the reality about our character. Then stop lying to yourself.
You Are Awesome! Really?
There is a virtual plague of low self-esteem which opened a huge market of self-help books and courses telling us how wonderful we are. ‘Focus on your strengths not your weaknesses, you can do anything, you are awesome! etc.’
All of this negates reality and the possibility of truly improving your character. By ignoring your negative traits and focusing solely on positive thoughts, you allow your weakest links to remain in the chain of your personality, and are always limiting or possibly destroying your potential and relationships.
This is one reason why many people do all the right things yet do not succeed in their goals or life, by ignoring the reality of their weaknesses and just repeating all sorts of positive affirmations while they never master their flaws.
Your strengths can build over time, but your weaknesses can destroy it all in an instant. We are truly only as strong as our weakest link.
You cannot fool the truth. If your mind knows you have some weakness or flaws and you repeat words and thoughts contrary to that, you cannot change a lifetime of programming and miraculously eliminate a flaw by superimposing a positive thought. It is just not realistic to expect the dirty sheets to become clean by putting a cover on top.
The flaw must be seen and dealt with, and eliminated. Focusing on positive thoughts without acknowledging the flaw is a waste of time, proven by the many who have tried without success.
If you become objective and welcome criticism joyously with sincere appreciation, knowing this is the only way for you to grow, you will look for and enjoy through the satisfaction of your own self improvement, effectively your own freedom, the discovery, and then elimination of your flaws.
You now no longer fear or get hurt by criticism. You have attained a tremendous leap forward in the elimination of negative emotions and reactions that grow into fights which lead to pushing your partner away.
EXERCISE
If you want to speed up your progress, actively seek criticism. If it is true, then do something about it, if you find it is not true, ask others to confirm their opinion before you alone decide.
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